Never Judge A Fanfiction By It's Summary
by Chelty-chan and YeahWhatever12
Summary: Ero-Sennin gives Naruto a computer and all hell breaks loose when the blonde discovers the Naruto Archive on Fanfiction. When he shares his discovery of the horrible stories, the shinobi world may very well be doomed. Some will go insane others will lose their minds...or both. "What the hell is a crack pairing?" Kiba asked. If only they'd known. T for some lanuage. AU-ish.
1. Prologue: the beginning

_**This story is written with permission as a parody of the Ingenious 'Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary' by TheMuseumofJeanette! She is a genius and wrote the funniest Bleach parody we have ever read. PROPS TO YOU MADAME!**_

_**FOR XERO TnE(hehe) PYRO! Happy (WAY waaaaaaaaaay BELATED) birthday dude!**_

_**PS: ALL STORIES AND AUTHORS IN HERE ARE COMPLETELY MADE UP! NONE ARE REAL!**_

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**X-X-X-X-X-X**

* * *

Sakura could feel her eye was twitching.

Sasuke was feeling the urge to throw something at the stupid, grinning face in front of him.

And Naruto was…well, he was grinning stupidly.

So all things considered it was a pretty much normal morning in Konoha. Except, today was the first of Team Seven's three days off, and Naruto had made the 'mistake' of waking them up way too early, when they had both been intending to sleep in till noon at least…or maybe even till an hour before they were supposed to report to Tsunade for their next mission, being the punctuality nuts they were.

They were _**that**_ tired.

"So, let me get this straight," Sakura started slowly, "you woke me up this _**early**_ to… show me a piece of junk?"

"Hey! It was a gift from Ero-Sennin!" Naruto objected.

"Which is why I'm convinced that it's JUNK!" Sakura shot back.

"It's not junk!"

"IT'S JUNK!"

Sasuke sighed in annoyance, partially glad they were keeping him out of their stupid argument.

"TELL HER SASUKE!"

"TELL HIM SASUKE!"

Or not.

Sasuke turned to look at the device in question with zero interest. "It's junk."

"HA!"

"Bastard," Naruto hissed.

"Naruto, look at it," Sakura snapped. "It's falling apart. It's _junk_."

"No its-"

_*******boing*******_

One of the keys on the keyboard popped off, the spring protruding ominously.

"Whatever!" Naruto snapped hurriedly. "I'm the only one that didn't have a computer like everyone else! You two will NOT ruin this for me!"

"Idiot," Sasuke muttered. "I'm leaving." He announced as he turned around and headed for the door.

"If you really want to live to the day you make Hokage," Sakura warned as she followed Sasuke, "you will not wake me up for something so stupid this early again."

* * *

X-x-X-x-X

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Naruto probably treasured his life, as he didn't disturb his teammates for the rest of the weekend. When Monday finally came around, Sakura and Sasuke found themselves in Tsunade's office with no blonde in sight. Sighing in exasperation, Sakura shuffled forward and picked up the file with their next mission's particulars.

"We'll just go drag him out of bed, shishou," she said as she fell back in line with Sasuke. "The idiot probably got too comfy over the weekend and 'forgot' to set his alarm."

"Probably," Tsunade snorted. "Well, I hope you all rested enough, because you will need it for that mission."

Sasuke remained silent.

Tsunade held up a finger when the two Shinobi made to leave. "That mission isn't just for your team alone." The two teens turned back to face her in silent question. "There is a list of Shinobi in there that I handpicked myself. Find them and leave as soon as possible." She finished in dismissal.

Her eyes were back on the desk in front of her before they'd even responded and left the office.

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X-x-X-x-X-x-X

* * *

_**Sai**_

_**Hyuuga Neji**_

_**Uzumaki Naruto**_

_**Haruno Sakura**_

_**Hyuuga Hinata**_

_**Inuzuka Kiba**_

_**Aburame Shino**_

_**Uchiha Sasuke**_

Sakura read the names aloud as she and Sasuke made their way to Naruto's.

"Hmmm, mostly sensory ninja," she mused, "I'm guessing I'm playing the medic role, er, no offense to them, but why are Naruto and Sai on the list? This is obviously a recon mission."

She scanned the next page, and sure enough,_** 'Reconnaissance Mission' **_stared up at her in bold lettering.

"What are we gathering Intel about?" Sasuke asked, although he already had an idea.

Sakura flipped another page, scanning it. "Akatsuki."

Sasuke stiffened for a few seconds, but brusquely resumed walking. "That explains why those two idiots are on the list then."

* * *

X-x-X-x-X-x-X

* * *

When Sakura and Sasuke entered Naruto's apartment, they'd been expecting to find the blonde sprawled out in bed, drool on the pillows and his ridiculous nightcap miraculously still in place. But other than the clone currently snoring away on the couch, the only other odd thing was that the blonde looked like he hadn't moved from his spot in front of the computer screen, since they'd left him there three days prior. His frazzled and dirty state supported that notion. But then…

"Oh, hey guys, didn't hear you come in," Naruto mumbled absently, not looking away from the screen. "What's going on?"

"Uh…Naruto…why is there a clone of you sleeping on the couch?" Sakura asked.

"Because I can't sleep myself, he's doing it for me," the blonde responded, shrugging like that should have been obvious.

"Huh?" Sakura raised a confused eyebrow as she stared at the sleeping clone.

"What died in here?" Sasuke asked, his nose wrinkling slightly.

Naruto paused his furious typing to spare them both a withering glance. "I've been busy lately, so I make clones to do everything else."

"Of course, everything… except shower and brush your teeth, right?" Sakura snarked. She glared when Naruto just waved a hand in her general direction.

"Wait," Sasuke placed a hand on Sakura's shoulder to stop her from most likely maiming Naruto in some way. "Did he just say his clone is sleeping _**for**_ him?" he asked, frowning as said clone let out a particularly loud snore.

"What?" Naruto asked, turning halfway from the screen to notice them staring at his clone. "Oh yeah, when I dispel the clone, all that rest it accumulated comes back to me and I don't feel tired anymore. It's like when I use clones to collect Sage Chakra." Naruto grinned when they continued to silently stare at the sleeping clone. "You guys don't do that?"

Sasuke and Sakura shared a look, and Naruto knew they'd never thought of it before. It was that kind of look that everyone got whenever someone points out the obvious. The **'well, duh' **and **'oh shit, you're right'** mixed with **'why didn't I think of that?'**

"Are you kidding me?" Sakura threw her hands up in the universal sign of defeat. "Who knows how much I could have read and learnt if I'd known that during my training?"

Sasuke chose not to verbalize his own inner rage while Naruto looked like he was about to start rubbing it in their faces. But before he could, he suddenly remembered something very important.

"Oh I just remembered! You guys gotta check this out!" he waved them over as he quickly re-opened a tab on the computer.

"Forget it!" Sakura snapped, still pissed about the clone situation. "We don't have time for this, we have a new mission."

"It can wait," Naruto insisted impatiently, "you have to see this, Sakura. It is HILARIOUS!"

Sakura would have probably been berating him for exaggerating, but she was too stunned. Naruto…blowing off a mission?

"But it's a big one," she insisted, "S-rank."

"I'm not stupid, Sakura." Naruto shot back, not looking away from the screen. "I won't fall for that a second time."

"I'm not joking. We really do have an S-Rank mission!" She insisted, and then scowled when the blonde didn't respond, too busy scrolling. "Sasuke, do something!" she hissed.

Too relieved by the distraction, Sasuke didn't respond. He didn't need an annoying, taunting Naruto _**this**_ early in the morning. He should have however, expected the universe to contradict him…as usual.

"Here, read this," Naruto said, voice excited as he jumped up and pushed Sakura into his seat. "Read it!"

"Ew, at least brush your teeth!" Sakura gagged. "An' tanke a shawa!" she added, her voice distorted due to how hard she'd pinched her nose.

"Oh c'mon!" he frowned. "Hey temeh, it's not that bad right?" he asked, opening his armpit in Sasuke's direction.

Sasuke cringed and pinched his nose when a green cloud poofed out of Naruto's armpit. His eyes watered and the hair at the back of his head that normally defied gravity went flat.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Okay fine, give me a minute, but don't start reading without me!" he shouted as he ran for the bathroom, clothes flying off.

Exactly one minute later a clean Naruto with soggy hair emerged. "Okay, you can start."

Sakura rolled her eyes, not surprised since one-minute showers were a Naruto specialty. She turned back to the computer. "You still haven't brushed your teeth." she pointed out.

"Oh come on!"

**Naruto the Awesome and Sasuke the Loser by NAruSaku4Eva**

"What the.." Sakura frowned, and then scrolled up. "…wait a minute, this is the Fanfiction site." she rounded on Naruto. "How did you get on Fanfiction?"

"More importantly, why are we wasting time on it?" Sasuke interjected. "Mission. We have a mission."

"Well, I was on Google, right?" Naruto started, ignoring Sasuke, "and then I wondered what would happen if I searched my name, and all this stuff popped up, pictures and videos…actually it was kinda creepy. I mean, when did they take them all? I was a baby in some-"

"Get to the point, Idiot."

Naruto scowled. "So _anyway_, I was scrolling through it all, and I found this link that said 'Naruto Archive', browse hundreds of Naruto stories... and a bunch of other words I don't remember. So I clicked on it cause I was curious."

"Why is there a section on you on Fanfiction?" Sakura asked.

"Not just me. All of us," Naruto clarified. "There's stories about me, you, him, the other rookie 9 and Kakashi-sensei, and Gai-sensei, and the Sandaime and Tsunade-baa-chan-"

"Why do you know what it is, Sakura?" Sasuke cut in, getting annoyed.

"Well, I used to visit that site a lot back when Ino and I were obsessed with Manga. It's basically a site where fans write their own versions of their favorite shows or books or comics and stuff like that, basically changing the original plotlines to suit their own fancy."

"Then why is there a section on the Dobe and us?" Sasuke asked suspiciously.

"That's what I want to know."

"Just read the story already!" Naruto snapped.

"Wouldn't it be more important to find out why there's a section on us on Fanfiction?" Sakura asked. She was met with blank stares. "Okay fine, I'll read the story and then we're leaving for the mission, got it?"

"Got it." Naruto beamed.

"Just hurry up." Sasuke added.

Sakura's eyes narrowed at the rudeness but she turned back to the screen, muttering under her breath about being the only rational person around.

**Naruto the Awesome and Sasuke the Loser by NaRuSaKu4EvA**

**Summary: Basically, Naruto is awesome in this story and Sasuke is a loser. There is no ninja stuff.**

"What?" Sasuke asked blandly.

"What's 'ninja stuff' supposed to mean?" Sakura asked.

"Keep reading!" Naruto hissed.

**A/N: Sup peeps, so like I wrote another NaruSaku fic and I hope yous likes it! Flamerz suck as much as Sasuke the loser. Here we go!**

**Once upon a time, Naruto was awesome**

"This is stupid." Sasuke interrupted, and then scowled when Naruto shushed him.

**and Sasuke was a loser nerd-geek with stupid, geeky-nerd glasses and zits everywhere and a big nose like a nerd.**

Sakura paused to snicker along with Naruto. Sasuke's eye twitched._  
_

**One day, Sasuke the loser was walking down the street, grinning idiotically. "Gosh jolly, its great to be alive!**

"What?" Sasuke interrupted.

"Someone's chipper." Sakura snorted.

**even when you're a loser like me! But the sun is shining and the birds are singing!"**

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What?" Sasuke repeated, absently elbowing a laughing Naruto to shut him up..

**And then…. **

"Ooooh, suspense." Sakura muttered sarcastically.

**he saw something.**

"Well _that's_ specific. What did he see? The street? A tree?" Sakura asked. "Great detailing."

**He squealed like a little loser girl-**

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA," Naruto laughed, pointing at the screen, "that's my favorite part,dahahahahaha!"

"Why is the little girl a loser?" Sakura asked.

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched again.

"**OMFG its tomatoes in a line of tomatoes on the ground leading to an ominous shadow shaped like Itachi!" he squealed. "That's not suspicious at all!"**

Sakura stopped reading to snort. "Sasuke said OMFG."

"Why did I say tomatoes twice?"

"Right. Because that's what's strange about the sentence," Sakura snarked.

"Keep reading it gets better," Naruto urged.

**So Sasuke started skipping like a sissy girl as he picked the tomatoes and put them in a basket.**

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Sasuke glared at his cackling teammates. "You two do know that I still have my Sharingan, right?"

That shut them up.

"Back to the story," Sakura announced.

"**What the hell! You ARE Itachi! I knew it!" Sasuke shouted nerdily when he found Itachi at the end of the line.**

"When did you figure that out? Before you fell for the lame trap or was it the Itachi-shaped shadow hint? And nerdily is not a word."

**Sasuke tried to run away but he tripped on his shoelaces (Itachi had tied them together cos he's super cool like dat XD) It was too late. He knew too much.**

"What exactly is it that's 'too much'?" Sakura asked.

"This is stupid." Sasuke repeated.

"**Oh noes!" he screamed. "I'm such a loser! Why can't I be super cool like Naruto the Awesome! Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"**

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto collapsed to the floor, clutching his sides.

"Okay. This is retarded." Sakura grumbled, not amused anymore.

"**Someone put me out of my misery!" Sasuke wailed as his diaper filled up.**

"Ugh. Ew. Someone put _**me**_ out of my misery," Sakura muttered.

"Dahahaha –diaper- hahahaha"

Sasuke had long since lost interest in the story and was poking at his deflated hair in frustration as he tried to figure out how to get it to stick back up. "You know, neither of you have appeared in this 'story' yet."

"I kind of don't wanna." Sakura replied. If Sasuke was a pathetic weakling in a diaper, Heaven only knew what she'd be portrayed as.

"**Okay, whatever dude," Itachi shrugged, "I'll just send u to an alternate dimension wit ma super cool mageno shargun."**

Sakura blinked a few times and then re-read the sentence. "That's... disturbing." She commented.

"And completely unbelievable." Sasuke added. 'Itachi would never say something so retarded."

"But it **_is_** HILARIOUS." Naruto snorted, still laughing on the floor.

"**Wait!" the loser screamed**

"Sasuke sure screams a lot in this story," Sakura commented.

**"what dimension are you sending me to?"**

**Itachi grinned like Sai.**

"That is all kinds of wrong." Sakura shuddered.

"**I'm sending you to the darkest, most colorless, magicless, lameness-filled land in the whole world."**

"**NOOO! NOT NEW JERSEY!" Sasuke cried, snot running down into his mouth.**

"EW." Sakura mumbled.

"**Oh yes! New Jersey!" Itachi giggled evilly.**

"And it gets even more disturbing." Sakura commented.

"Giggled...evilly?" Sasuke repeated.

"**NO! I'll never get decent Chinese food again ever! YOU MONSTER!"**

"And I'm officially confused." Sakura announced.

"I think the 'author' meant Chinese food in New Jersey or wherever sucks," Naruto suggested.

"Still!"

**Itachi shrugged evilly. "Whatevs! Peace out, sucka!" Itachi shouted**

Sakura stopped reading to laugh. "Ahaha, I'm sorry Sasuke but -snort- just imagine Itachi saying something like that."

**-and then he sucked Sasuke into an alternate dimension New Jersey with his super cool mageno shargun. (Cos he's super cool like dat XD)**

"We get it, Itachi is cool." Sakura snapped.

"Is that supposed to be Mangekyou Sharingan?" Sasuke asked, squinting at the bright screen.

"What a retard." Sakura shook her head. "Didn't she say no 'ninja stuff'?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Naruto, it really isn't that funny." Sakura admonished, unsuccessfully trying to muffle her snickers for Sasuke's sake.

**Meanwhile, Naruto the Awesome was awesomely getting married to Sakura**

"WHAT?"

**-now that she was much prettier than she was when she was an ugly genin-**

"Excuuuuse me?" Sakura snarled, her knuckles popping subconsciously.

"Okay, now it's funny." Sasuke commented. "Wait, how were you an ugly genin if there is no 'ninja stuff' in this story?"

**-and no one ever mentioned Sasuke the loser again and they all lived happily and awesomely ever after!**

"And it's retarded again." Sasuke deadpanned.

**A/N: OMFG Naruto is so hot! He should so marry Sakura now that she's hotter in shipudden. Anyway, reviews are sooooo sooooo welcome. As for flames, I have an incinerator! Losers!**

**Sasuke: Well…that was a waste of time.**

**Naruto: "No it was hilarious," said as he wiped some tears from the corner of his eye.**

**Me: Yes. IKR LOL. Yes it was. REVIewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!**

"Huh, that's the only time Sasuke was in character," Sakura observed. "And I see why you said OMFG earlier too, but what the hell is a shippuden? And what's with that 'wiped some tears from the corner of his eye'? Where else would he wipe them?"

"And incinerators cannot get rid of flames but as I said it's a stupid story." Sasuke reminded. "She didn't even get my personality right."

"You have a personality?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke growled.

"Geez, relax," Naruto backed away. "I actually found this other story where you were in character."

"NO." Sakura snapped. "Mission. NOW."

"But I have it bookmarked," Naruto insisted. "And it's also very short! C'mooooooooooo-"

"You could just tell the others to meet us here," Sasuke suggested. "He can read that stupid story while we wait. I don't want him whining about it during the mission."

"Fine." Sakura conceded begrudgingly, still peeved about the story's ending.

"Yes! Here let me open it." Naruto quickly closed the tab and opened a new one, and after scrolling through his bookmarks clicked on the right one.

"You sure have a lot of bookmarks for someone who's only been on the internet for three days." Sakura commented as the page loaded.

Naruto shrugged. "Those clones can really open up a schedule."

Sakura rolled her eyes and then focused on the screen again.

**The License by I-Heart-Naruto**

"Okay. That's an okay title I guess." She commented.

"Stupid username though." Sasuke pointed out.

**Summary: Naruto gets his permit and Sasuke is jealous…life changes for everyone! R&R! My first dabble at a drabble.**

"Ugh." Sakura rolled her eyes. "Well...that isn't vague at all."

"I thought you said they'd get my character right." Sasuke snapped.

"They will!" Naruto insisted.

"When am I ever jealous of you?"

"When I have something you don't?"

"Girls, girls, trying to read over here." Sakura snapped irritably.

**Naruto grinnedm looking as cool as ice.**

"Well…that's not a promising start." Sakura muttered.

"**So what you think, dawg?" he asked. "Aint she a beaut?"**

"Dawg?" Sasuke repeated.

"Since when are you Texan?" Sakura asked. "And what's a beaut? What's with these people and ambiguity, damn it!"

**He grinned and stroked his new, shiny, black, cool, ebony, dark, awesome, motorcycle.**

"Ohhh. The motorcycle's a beaut." Sakura shook her head. "Okay, first, black, dark and ebony mean the same thing, and two, that's way too many commas and why is there a comma between awesome and motorcycle?"

"Just keep reading Grammar Nazi." Naruto snapped, only to grin sheepishly when Sakura scowled at him.

"**Now that I gats ma license, I'ma be totally badass! Awwww yeah, the ladies gon be all over me like sand."**

"Okay, now you're a gangsta." Sakura observed, still unimpressed.

"And where am I in this exactly?" Sasuke asked.

"Wait, what does 'all over me like sand' imply?" Sakura asked.

"Just keep reading." Naruto snapped impatiently.

**Sasuke looked at Naruto all bored-like**

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I'm not even going to say it."

**and then he just rolled his eyes and left**

"Hey that IS kind of in character, right Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"More or less, I suppose," the Uchiha conceded absently.

**to go stalk Hinata because he was obsessed with her boobs.**

That got Sasuke's attention. "WHAT?!"

"Er…oh well." Sakura sighed, noting that Naruto was cackling again.

"**What's his problem?" Naruto asked.**

"**Who cares?" Sakura answered flirtily**

"Okay. A, why am I suddenly there? B, flirtily is not a word and C, why am I flirting with Naruto?"

**-as she drooled over how hot and smokin' Naruto looked on the badass bike.**

"Ohhhh. I'm pretty sure I lost some brain cells just now." Sakura muttered.

"**Take me on a ride, your smexiness," she begged with shining eyes.**

Sakura gagged.

"**Sure thing babe, Hop on."**

"**Wait…why stop there?**

"Pleaaaaaaaaase stop there." Sakura whined.

**let's get married," she whimpered.**

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Sakura exploded. "Why would I just suddenly want to marry him because of a stupid bike?! And why the hell am I whimpering?!"

"Because I am awesome?" Naruto grinned, and then cowered back when Sakura growled at him.

"**Kay. Let's do it." Naruto shrugged.**

**THE END! XD Reviews are like warm milk after a swim, sooooo review, my pretties!**

"OH COME ON! That did NOT even make SENSE!" Sakura raged. "And HOW exactly did THAT change EVERYONE's life? THERE WAS ONLY THE THREE OF US IN THE WHOLE DAMN STORY!"

"It doesn't matter." Sasuke cut in. "We have a mission to leave for? S-Rank? Does this sound familiar?"

"NO!" Sakura raged. "We are NOT leaving until I find a story that butchers Naruto like we've just been."

Sasuke blinked once. "No."

Sakura didn't get to answer because Team 8, or more specifically Kiba came barging in, while Hinata and Shino calmly followed in behind him. They were shortly followed by Neji and Tenten.

"We got your message, Haruno." Neji started. "We should leave as soon as Sai gets here."

"FIRST... I have to do something," Sakura interrupted, scrolling furiously.

"Hey, don't break my mouse, Sakura-chan." Naruto warned, eyeing the abused device with concern.

"Why are you here?" Sasuke eyed Tenten.

"Nice to see you too, Uchiha." She snarked. "Obviously, I'm going on the mission with you guys. Gai-sensei ran off somewhere with Lee and I'm not staying in the village alone."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "It's a recon mission. You're a weapons specialist, ergo useless for this mission."

"Don't test me boy," Tenten warned.

"Yo dude!" Kiba hollered, not looking up from his phone, "that story you shared on Facebook was un-fucking-believable!"

"What is he talking about?" Sasuke asked dangerously, attention snagged.

"I may have shared that story we read first on Facebook." Naruto answered absently.

"Any idea what's going on?" Tenten whispered to Hinata, as they watched Sasuke trap Naruto in a particularly nasty genjustu.

"Not really," Hinata whispered back, cringing when Naruto screamed. "You think Sakura-chan is alright, though?"

"AHA! This is PERFECT!" Sakura cackled. "You're so getting roasted, Uzumaki!"

"I don't think she's okay." Tenten concluded, sweatdropping.

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X-x-X-x-X-x-X

* * *

_**Okay. That's it for chap 1. Kinda random, yeah? Like it? Hate it? Let us know. If you found it boring, try chapter 2...guaranteed to be funnier!**_

_**Because this story is dedicated to him, this chapter had some of what Xero likes and hates about Fanfiction. Exaggerated OOCness with nothing to back it up. (Makes sense now, right dude? Hmmm, we wonder if this is too silly to be a dedikay fic though. Also notice anything familiar? lol) **_

_**We have some ideas planned but we are open to requests for the next chapters. characters, fic ideas, pairings e.t.c**_


	2. Neji gets roasted & Tenten's a Vampire?

**We forgot to mention last chapter that this is set to happen directly after the 'Rescue the Kazekage arc'**

**And we repeat: No, we are not going to use actual stories from the site because A.) It's against site rules and B.) it would be mean and rude to make fun of someone else's hard work. Hence ALL stories and authors here are MADE UP. any likeness is purely coincidental!**

**In this chapter we pay homage to Chapter 2 of 'My Immortal' by Tara Gilsbie. The worst fanfic ever written, rumored to have gotten over 10,000 reviews (I bet they were all flames.) Its famous, Google it!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing.**

Chapter 2: Neji is roasted and Tenten is a vampire, WTF?

* * *

**X-X-x-X-X**

* * *

"We don't have time for this, Haruno."

Sakura stopped mid-cackle. "You have _**no idea**_ what I just endured the past 12 minutes, Hyuuga."

Neji sighed as he glanced at where Sasuke was still torturing Naruto. "I cannot believe you three have lost your composure over such a trivial thing."

Sakura's eye twitched. "Trivial? Have you even read one of these stories?"

"Yes." Neji scoffed. "And as I said…_**Trivial**_."

"Oh dear," Hinata murmured.

"What's wrong?" Tenten asked.

"I recognize the look on Sakura-chan's face," she explained. "It's the same one Hanabi gets whenever Neji-nii-san says something rude that makes her want revenge."

"Trivial?!"

"Ohhhhh." Tenten frowned thoughtfully. "Should we do something?"

"I'll show you trivial!" Sakura snapped, and then turned back to the computer, scrolling furiously.

"She's pissed," Kiba observed, eyes still glued to his phone, "I'm not interfering."

"You just want to hear another stupid story, don't you?" Tenten accused.

Hinata sighed. Maybe Naruto or Sasuke would know what to do since Sakura was their teammate. She turned to them… only to find Sasuke still torturing Naruto with an illusion. She sweatdropped.

"I say Hyuuga deserves what's coming to him," Kiba spared a second to look up from his phone's screen and grin at Tenten.

"I _know_ you just want to hear another story!" Tenten countered.

"G-guys…" Hinata whined, her voice drowned out by all the yelling.

"I'm starting to wonder if it was a good idea on the Godaime's part to put us all on one team," Neji mused, more to himself, as he took in the 'team'.

Sakura was scrolling like a maniac, eyes glued to the screen, Tenten and Kiba were bickering, Naruto was still being tortured by an enraged Sasuke, and Hinata looked torn, as if unsure of who to help first.

And they'd only been in the same room for little over 6 minutes.

"AHA!" Sakura cheered triumphantly. "EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LISTEN!"

Stunned into silence by the sudden outburst, the teens all slowly sank to the carpeted floor. Sasuke reluctantly released Naruto, who collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

"I may have gone a little too far with the evil ramen bowl attack…" he mused, and then shrugged when Naruto started drooling. "Well, I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Okay, so Neji here, thinks having your personality and character butchered by an amateur writer is…_**trivial**_," Sakura said, mocking Neji's voice.

"It is." Neji insisted.

"Oh, is it?" Sakura asked. "Let's see if you still think that after you hear this then." And with that she turned to the screen.

**The Immortal Love of a Vampire by TaraRocksxxx666xxx**

"This oughtta be good," Kiba grinned, putting his phone away to listen.

Tenten rolled her eyes, and Neji looked suspicious.

"As long as I'm not in it, I'm fine." Sasuke muttered.

**Summary: Tsup Goffs, dis stori z a parodi of da famas 'My Immortal' by da awesumest wryter evaarrr! Tara you rocks, i luv u gurl!- ts abt Naji bein a awesum vampir. Fangz for reading (geddit cos im goffick)**

"Other than the bad spelling, terrible humor and the fact that I'm being portrayed as a mythical blood-sucking creature, I still don't see what the-"

"Shut up and listen!"

Neji frowned at the rude interruption. "_Well_!"

**A/N: Ok, dis stori is about naji-**

"Yeah, we got that already," Kiba snarked.

"It's not 'naji', it's 'NEJI'!" an irate Hyuuga snapped.

**-and hes a vampir. Tara rockz! I luv you! you rockz, gurl! Kawaiiiii!**

"That tells us nothing that the summary didn't." Sasuke added.

"And what the hell is so 'cute' about that?" Tenten added.

**Tenten wuz sat in da lunchrom-**

"Hey!" Tenten interrupted. "Why am I in it? I thought you said you were teaching _**Neji**_ a lesson!"

"I'm sorry, Tenten." Sakura said seriously, "sometimes sacrifices are needed to prove a point."

"Sacrifices my ass." Tenten snarled.

"I think that's what she's doing," Kiba teased.

"JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN OKAY?!"

"What's with her?" Tenten whisper-asked Sasuke when Sakura's back was turned.

"The last two stories made her look like an idiot and she married Naruto in both."

Tenten looked at Naruto, who was still unconscious, twitching and drooling. "Ohhh. Makes sense now."

**Tenten wuz sat in da lunchrom at Hogwarts in Japan-**

"Since when is Hogwarts in Japan?" Kiba asked. "It's in Scotland!"

"Kiba-kun, why do you know what and where 'Hogwarts' is?" Hinata asked.

"I saw a couple Harry Potter films once."

"SHH!"

**-eatin sum Count Chocula cereal wiff a glasz fo blood-**

"EWW!" Tenten shrieked. "WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Please calm down, Tenten-san," Hinata soothed. "Remember, it's just a story."

Tenten took a few calming breaths. "Okay, I'm okay."

**-wif her best frnd, Guy.**

"Is that supposed to be Gai-sensei?" Neji asked.

"Gai-sensei is _**not**_ my best friend!" Tenten snapped. "He's Lee's!"

"Shh!" Sakura hissed.

"**Dis brkfst is so goffic," he sed as he drak his own blood in a cup.**

"**yea sooo goffic." Tunten sed as she pickd up her cup of blood.**

"I think I'm going to be sick," Tenten mumbled, turning a little green.

**Sudnly…...**

"There's that suspense again," Sakura muttered to herself.

**Sum1 bumped her nd da blood spild on her front nd messed up her awesum goffic otfit.**

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I guess this is another stupid story then."

"**Bastard!" she ****shoted angrly.**

"I wouldn't be that mean about it, but I can't blame her for being pissed." Sakura commented.

"Riiiight." Kiba drawled.

**She regrtted sayin it wen she lukd up cos she wuz lukin in2 da pale white face of a goffic boy wiff spiky blak hair wiff red streaks in it.**

"I wonder who it is." Kiba mused.

"He spilled blood down my front! Just because he's supposedly "hot" shouldn't mean anything!" Tenten huffed.

Hinata sweatdropped. "Ano…Tenten-san… it's just a story, you know that right?"

**He wuzs warin so much eyliner dat it wuzs goin down his face and he was waring blak lipstick also.**

"Ew." Sakura muttered, grossed out.

**He dint hav glazzes anymo-**

"How are we supposed to know that he used to wear glasses before?" Sasuke asked.

**and now he wuzs warin red contct lensis jus lyk Adam Levine 4rom M5-**

"Ugh, this spelling and grammar is killing me." Sakura complained. "And Adam Levine does NOT wear red contact lenses."

"Who?" Kiba asked.

**-and ther wusz no scar on his forhed anymo cos he wusz dead.**

"That doesn't even make any sense." Sakura scoffed.

"How does she know he used to have a scar if she's never even seen him before?" Sasuke asked suspiciously.

"Hmmm, I'm still wondering who it is though," said Kiba.

"It's not a _**scar**_." Neji snapped testily.

"Obviously this person didn't know that the curse seal is a touchy subject with Neji," Tenten added.

**He had a manly stable on his chin.**

"Again…Ew." Sakura commented.

"So...he has horses on his face?" Sasuke asked.

"I don't even have any stubble." Neji snapped, patience wearing thin.

"How are you so sure it's you?" Kiba asked, voice teasing.

"Didn't the summary say the story is about me?" Neji shot back.

"It could still be someone else," Kiba insisted.

"SHUT UP ALREADY!"

**He also had a sexah English accnt.**

"That's ridiculous! He hasn't even said anything yet!" Tenten snapped. "Has this so called author no brain?!"

"Isn't this set in _Japan_?" Sasuke added. "Why would he have an English accent if he's Japanese?"

"Maybe he's a transfer student?" Hinata supplied, trying to lighten things up.

"No way." Kiba shook his head.

"I doubt it." Tenten frowned thoughtfully.

"I don't think so." Sasuke said firmly.

"Too far fetched." Neji added.

"Sorry, Hinata-chan." Sakura offered the shot-down girl a sheepish smile.

**He luked exctly lyk Joel Madden.**

"How does that look anything like Joel Madden?" Sakura snapped.

"Who?" Kiba asked.

**He wuzs so sexah dat her bodi went all hot wen she saw him kind of lyk an erection-**

"That is the creepiest thing I've ever heard." Everyone said in unison.

**-only shes a gurl so she dint get 1 you sicko!1111**

"How are _**we**_ the sickos?" Kiba snarked. "You said it, dumbass!"

"Are those recurring 1's at the end supposed to have been exclamation points?" Sakura added. "Use the Shift key properly, Idiot!"

**"****Im so sori." he sed in a shy voce.**

"Since when is Neji ever shy?" Tenten scoffed.

**"****Dat's alryt. wats yo nam?" Terntern questioned.**

Tenten twitched. "Spell my name right, you jerk! Who on earth could fail to spell T-E-N-T-E-N?! It's basically just two tens!"

"Ten squared," Kiba snickered.

"Actually Ten squared would be hundred." Neji corrected.

"Whatever. No one asked you." Kiba shot back.

**"My nam's Naji Potter, altho most pipo call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.**

"What?" Neji's eyebrow twitched when everyone started laughing at him. "No one calls me that!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- Neji potter- HAHAHA- I think I'll start-HAHAHA- calling you that from now on -HAHAHA!"

**"Whaaaat?! But whhhhhy?" Tumnten exclaimed.**

"I wouldn't be _**that**_ surprised," Tenten complained.

**"Becuz I luv da tast of human blood." he giggled.**

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA –ow HAHAHAHAHA my ribs," Kiba gasped.

"That is revolting! And I do NOT giggle." Neji snapped.

**"Well, Im a vampir." Teten confssed.**

"Excuse me?" Tenten snapped. "No I'm NOT!"

**"Relly?" he whimpad.**

"First he giggles, then he whimpers. Is he bipolar?" Sasuke asked.

"Ahaha-oh man hahaha this is killing me- ahahahahahaha," Kiba fell over, unable to support himself anymore as he laughed.

**"Yeah." Tintin roared.**

"I think she's bipolar too." Sakura snickered.

**Thy sat dwn 2 talk 4 a while. Den Tumten's boyfrnd Lee-**

"WHAT?! He's not my boyfriend!" Tenten shrieked.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Oh shut up already, Inuzuka," Neji snapped, now seething.

"Oh God, I can't -hahahaha- I can't take much more -dahahaha- of this- hahahahaha- can't breathe!"

**-cam up behind ha en tod her he had a supryse 4 her so she went away wiff him.**

"She went away with him?" Sasuke repeated. "What is this girl, five?"

**So dey went 2 Lenten's rum 2 'do it'-**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tenten shrieked.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kiba had tears running down his face now.

"Poor Tenten-chan," Hinata whispered, frowning worriedly when the weapons expert proceeded to pull on her hair.

Neji looked a little sick.

"Hehe, 'do it'," Sasuke snorted. "How childish."

"Huh…maybe it's a good thing Lee isn't here right now," Sakura mused.

**Aftawads, lee wuzs sliping en terenten wuzs torn-**

A unified muttering of 'ew' was heard.

**-wiff indecsion-**

This time a unified 'ohhh' was heard.

**-so she went to c da peson she owez tokd 2 weneva she wuzs confsed-**

"What are you so confused about?" Kiba asked. "You just di-"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you, Inuzuka," Tenten warned dangerously.

Kiba swallowed and remained silent.

**-Sazuke.**

"Huh? what?" Sakura questioned. "Sasuke?"

"What?" Sasuke deadpanned.

"Oh come on!" Tenten snapped. "I've never even so much as spoken to him before! He's the last person I'd go to, no offence."

"None taken." Sasuke shrugged. She didn't need to know that that was actually a relief. He didn't need some girl coming to cry to him.

**Zasuke wuzs populr 4 helpn pipo wiff prblms-**

"Huh?" Sakura repeated. "Are we talking about _**Sasuke**_ here?"

**-nd he owez hlpd Tntin since dey wer cloze-**

"So, you two are close, ey?" Neji intoned in a bored voice.

"Of course not!" Tenten snapped. "He's the most anti-social person I know! ….er, no offense."

"Again…none taken." Sasuke shrugged.

**-it oso hlpd dat he wuzs Kute-**

"I'm not…_cute_." Sasuke snapped, irritated.

**4rom da day dat she 1st met hm, Trnton-**

"That's the worst attempt to write my name yet." Tenten complained.

**- had owez thot Zazuke-**

"Oh come on, really? Zazuke?" Sasuke snapped.

Kiba snorted.

**- wuzs kute.**

"So, you think Sasuke is cute, ey?" Neji asked, with the same bored tone.

"Drop the tone already, we all _**know**_ that 'boredom' isn't what you're feeling right now," Kiba muttered under his breath.

"I don't think he's cute at all, damn it!" Tenten hissed. "Um….no offense, Sasuke."

"Okay, some taken," Sasuke muttered, used to girls thinking he was attractive. This was strange. Very strange. "You think I'm not… cute then?"

"Uh…" Tenten sweatdropped. "No…geez no, um, I mean… you're fine."

Neji raised an eyebrow at her.

"No wait! I didn't mean it like 'daaayuuum he's fine'," she explained hastily. "I just meant like…uh, I don't know, like you're…healthy?"

An awkward silence followed.

Sakura cleared her throat. "I think I'll just continue reading now."

**-dey evn had a frnds-wiff-bnefts ting goin on.**

"WHAT?!" Neji and Sasuke interrupted.

"I can't take much more of this," Tenten complained weakly.

"Didn't see that one coming," Kiba snorted, and then sent Sasuke a sly grin. "Uchiha, you dog!"

"You're the dog, not me, Idiot."

**She so him sittng in da coner.**

"There's that scintillating writing again." Sakura muttered.

"**Hey Sasuke!" she shouted as she ran to him.**

"Oh my goodness, do my eyes deceive me?" Sakura exclaimed. "A grammatically correct sentence with no errors!"

"**waddup? wanna 2 Zscrew?!111" he aksed happly, o excsited lyk!11.**

"Should have known it was too good to last," Sakura muttered.

"How repulsive!" Neji snapped with disgust as he glared at Sasuke.

"Don't look at me, genius," Sasuke returned the glare, "Tenten just said we've never even so much as talked before. What makes you think we'd…do…_that_."

"I thought Lee-san was your boyfriend?" Hinata asked, confused.

"Also, she apparently thinks Neji is hot." Sakura added.

"Someone just knock me out or something," Tenten moaned.

Kiba was on the floor again, clutching his sides as he howled with laughter.

"**Mayb lataz," Tenten rplyd.**

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Tenten pulled at her hair, close to tears.

"Poor Tenten," Hinata whispered. "At least they spelt your name right this time?" she tried.

"**Sure, wateva." Szazuke sed, o deprezzd lyk cos he wuzant gettin sum.**

"That's... kind of rude and dirtbag-ish of you, Sasuke." Sakura commented.

Neji gave Sasuke the stink eye.

"**I nid yo advyce," Tnton saed.**

"**Vaat's wrng?"**

"Whoa, German." Kiba joked, eliciting a few snickers.

"**Yu kno I luv Lee ryt?"**

"NO I DON'T!" Tenten yelled.

**Sasuke luked o deprezzed and suicidaly sad en stuff. "yah..I kno."**

"Woah, woah, woah," Kiba interrupted. "Uchiha likes Tenten in this?"

"Apparently," Neji spat disdainfully, burning a hole in Sasuke's skull with his glare.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Well, **_Someone_ **was taking this a little too seriously.

"**Dnt worri, I stil tink yore mo sexah!"**

"Poor Lee-san," Hinata whispered. "His girlfriend likes other guys."

Kiba sweatdropped. "Now I'm not so sure Hinata understands that it's just a story."

**Sazsuke den lukd happi agen.**

"Like that would ever happen." Sakura snorted.

"**Yah, bt I jus met da new goff in sku nd hes super duper ultrsa sexah! i fink dat i luv him oso cos hes supa smexah and stuff, yo kno!"**

"Wow," Sakura commented. "They sure made Tenten a fickle, shallow nymphomaniac in this."

"I know, right?" Tenten sniffed. "Make it stop!"

"The story made Tenten-chan cry! Stop reading it, Sakura-chan!" Hinata demanded.

"Oh…Oh my." Sakura blinked. "o-kaaaay."

"I…I may have dismissed these…these stories too soon." Neji conceded, and then eyed a distraught Tenten. "Are you alright, Tenten?"

"Do I look alright?" She snapped.

"Right. Of course not. Sorry." Neji muttered, rubbing at his head sheepishly.

"Whoa. Hyuuga almost looks guilty." Kiba remarked, sounding awed.

"He _**should**_ be guilty!" Sakura seethed, glaring at said Hyuuga, "If I wasn't trying so hard to show him what these stories can do to someone's character, Tenten-chan wouldn't be so upset right now!"

"Wait a minute," Sasuke mused to himself. "Sakura wasn't aiming to butcher Neji's character, she went for his teammate to get more of a reaction out of the Hyuuga…nice, Haruno."

Just then, Kiba's phone went off.

"What is it?" Hinata asked, when he fumbled for it.

"Oh hang on, it's just some alerts I have on- whoa! That Sasuke loser story Naruto shared on Facebook earlier has gotten real popular online, everyone's talking abou- hey! It's even trending on Twitter!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed and zeroed in on a still unconscious Naruto. "That makes me want to torture him all over again." He growled.

"Wait!" Sakura grabbed his arm to stop him, and then grinned darkly, "Why waste your Chakra…when you can use that?" she gestured at the computer.

"Yes…yes, that's a great idea, Sakura."

"No." Neji countered. "It's a bad…" he trailed off when Sakura glared at him in warning. He swallowed at the implication. "I mean…carry on! Sai isn't here yet anyway."

"Where is that guy, anyway?" Kiba asked as Sakura went into the kitchen.

"Who knows," Sasuke shrugged.

"According to the records, he went to an ANBU thing in Suna last week, but he's due to arrive later today," Sakura's voice carried from the kitchen.

She returned with a pitcher of water which she promptly emptied on Naruto. He shot up as if shocked by electricity.

"Gah! RAMEN! Huh? What? Who?" He looked around in a dazed confusion. "Whoa. What'd I miss?"

"NOTHING!" Tenten and Neji hissed in unison.

Kiba snickered, and Hinata sweatdropped.

"Sasuke is looking for another story," Sakura explained patiently, "we didn't think it would be fair to read another one without you."

"You guys read a story without me?!" Naruto yelled. "Betrayal!"

"Trust me, you're lucky you didn't get to hear that load of crap." Tenten sniffled, accepting the handkerchief Neji offered her gratefully.

"I found one." Sasuke announced.

"Alright!" Naruto cheered. "Go for it, Bastard!"

"Ignorance is bliss." Neji commented, when Sasuke smirked darkly.

"Should we warn him?" Hinata asked, sending Naruto a worried glance.

"Oh, hell no!" Kiba snickered. "This…is going to be good."

* * *

X-x-X-x-X-x-X

* * *

**Aw, poor Ten-chan! wow, a lot of hissing this chapter, no?**

**Woohoo! Kinda short but that's it for 2! Okay, Naruto WILL be roasted next chapter. (cos we're fair like that XD)**

**Also, we got some awesome requests, thanks to them next chapter is three-quarters done! Keep 'em coming. And please don't send your requests via PM, people. For efficiency's sake, leave your requests in the reviews! **

**Let us know what you thought of this one! Thanks, bai bai for now**!


	3. Naruto and Kiba get roasted

**Okay, don't worry guys, no more bad spelling fics, we just had to do it that way cos that's how 'My Immortal' was. The fics are still gonna suck, but at least we won't torture you with bad grammar. And at some point they may land on a nice fic.**

**Chelty: Aw, Ten-chan is sad, don't worry Sasu-chan to the rescue to make her feel gooder (ewwww not in that way you sicko! XD)**

**YW12: riggghhht. *rolls eyes* Anyway…We're sorry for the delay, we got distracted working on chapters for other fics BUT to make up for it; the next chapter won't take nearly as long, maybe even tomorrow night.**

**THANKS FOR ALL THE AWESOME REVIEWS! You guys are AWESOME! Awesome, awesome, awesome requests and ideas people!**

**Credits for this chapter's story go to:** jgreek, I am Telgar and some Guests

_**Disclaimer: we own nothing but the sucky authors and stories in this story! Enjoy!**_

Chapter 3: Naruto and Kiba get double-butchered

* * *

X-X-X-X-X-X

* * *

"Ne, what happened to Tenten?" Naruto asked.

Said kunoichi was in the bathroom, washing her face.

"She didn't like the last story very much," Kiba shrugged.

"Okaaay…what was it even about?" Naruto leaned over with shining eyes, "Did it suck that bad?"

"Could you back it up a foot?" Kiba groaned, pushing his face away with his foot, "your breath smells like hot garbage."

Sakura shook her head. "I told you to brush your teeth, Naruto."

"I was under the impression dogs _**liked**_ garbage," Naruto sneered, and then proceeded to exhale in Kiba's face. "Savor it, man, _**savoooor iiiitttt**_!"

"Gah! It's like you have a sewer in your stomach!" Kiba gagged and then shoved the blonde away. "What did you eat? A decomposing skunk with garlic on the side, topped off with extra crap sauce?"

"Ewwwwww!" Sakura laughed. "_Gross_, dude!"

"Just read the dumb story, Uchiha." Neji sighed, rolling his eyes at their childishness. _Some shinobi they are_.

"I'm waiting for Tenten to come back," Sasuke replied.

"Why?" Naruto asked.

"She got burned pretty bad in the last story, I think she should enjoy someone else's torture."

"Holy Ramen!" Naruto exclaimed. "The bastard actually has a heart!"

Kiba was suddenly at Sasuke's side, sly grin on his face. "Maybe you do like her…_**for real**_."

Sasuke brutally poked him in the eye. "Don't imagine weird things, fleabag." He snapped.

"Screw you, Uchiha." Kiba snarled, rubbing his stinging eye.

Hinata and Sakura sweatdropped.

"Knock it off, you guys." Sakura chided, waving a chakra-laced hand over Kiba's swelling eye, healing it instantly.

"Thanks," Kiba mumbled absently, too busy giving Sasuke the stink eye, which the Uchiha ignored.

Sakura shrugged and then tapped her cheek in thought. "But I gotta say, I'm kinda wondering how that other story ended."

"You cannot be serious." Neji deadpanned.

"Oh come on, aren't you curious?" Sakura pressed. "I'm just wondering who she ended up with at the end of the story. Was it Neji, Sasuke or Lee?"

Neji chose not to admit that he too, was wondering who Tenten had chosen in the end.

"That author was unpredictable," Kiba mused. "So who knows?" He shrugged.

"I propose that we should finish every story we start….regardless of how much it sucks." Sakura suggested.

"You say that like we're going to stay here reading stories all day." Neji scoffed.

"Okay, fine, for as long as however long it is we're going to be here for." Sakura conceded, rolling her eyes. "Everyone in favor of this say aye."

"Aye."

"Aye."

"Aye."

"Aye."

"Aye." Sakura grinned at Neji. "Ha. Majority wins."

Neji was spared the indignity of having to grace that with a response when Tenten returned. He was glad to note that she looked much better now.

"Feeling better, Tenten-san?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah, I'm over it." Tenten shrugged. "Stupid dumbass author." She muttered under her breath.

"Oh hey Tenten, we just voted that every story started has to be finished no matter how bad it is." Sakura informed.

Tenten shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

"Okay, she's here, now get on with it Teme!" Naruto snapped impatiently.

**His Resolution by NinjahsRULE!**

"Okay, that's a cool title." Sakura noted. "The username doesn't suck either."

"There's no 'H' in Ninja though," Neji pointed out.

There was a unanimous groan.

**Summary: This was it. There was no way he could deny it any longer. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks….. He was in love.**

"Ugh. Again with the vague summary," Sakura complained.

"Who's in love?" Tenten asked.

"Love?" Neji repeated. "Useless to a shinobi." He scoffed.

"Oh… is it now?" Tenten sneered.

"Uh…" Neji sweatdropped.

"I wonder who it is." Hinata wondered out loud, more to cut into the would-be argument than from actual curiosity.

"It looks like one of you guys is going to get a girlfriend." Sakura remarked, and then grinned at the guys.

"If you guys would stop blabbing we'd find out who it is!" Kiba snapped.

**A/N: hey guys! I'm back with more angsty goodness…what can I say, it's a guilty pleasure of mine!**

"We don't care." Kiba said, rolling his eyes. "Just get on with it."

"Now who's interrupting?" Sakura snapped.

"Oh right." Kiba's face flushed with embarrassment. "My bad."

**I don't wanna spoil the surprise, but *spoiler alert* KiNaru should happen! Tee-hee!**

"That is redundancy at its stupidest." Neji commented, shaking his head.

"What's KiNaru?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke's smirk was hidden since his back was to them. "Who knows?" he shrugged.

"I just wanna know who the loser-in-love is so I can laugh at them." Kiba chimed.

**Kiba frowned-**

"Heeey… it's…it's _**me**_?" Kiba asked. _Oh shit_. He lamented inwardly.

"Heh, you totally jinxed yourself!" Naruto taunted. "B-A-K-A!"

"Shut up." Kiba hissed.

"Well, it's only fair I guess. So far you're the only one that hasn't appeared in any story," Sakura mused. "Oh waiiit, Hinata also doesn't count since that other story only mentioned that Sasuke was obsessed with her boobs." At the odd looks she received, she added, "Don't ask."

"Okay, no interrupting in the middle of sentences. Save your stupid reactions for commas or full stops." Sasuke snapped irritably.

**Kiba frowned with lament. He wished there could be another way, he did. But this couldn't be avoided. It wouldn't be fair. To either of them. **

"**I'm sorry, Sakura. But…We gotta break up."**

"WHAT?!" Sakura and Kiba shot up at the same time.

"Wow, Kiba is an idiot!" Naruto exclaimed, shaking his head. "To have a girl like Sakura-chan and then dump her?! YOU DUMBASS!"

"We are NOT dating!" Sakura snapped, affronted.

"No shit, genius." Kiba scoffed. "Didn't you hear? I just dumped your ass!"

Sakura shot him an incredulous look. "You _seriously_ just said that?" she asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah and we _seriously_…don't care." Tenten cut in. "Sasuke, continue reading! This story ain't half bad!"

Sasuke smirked. "It would be my pleasure."

Neji sent Sasuke a suspicious frown, wondering what was up with the Uchiha. Hinata noticed and chuckled discreetly.

"**No." Sakura whispered. "No…you can't…you can't break up with me!"**

"Why not?" Neji asked, bored now.

"Shut up. Wait, why is there an exclamation point if I'm whispering?" Sakura asked.

"Shhh!" the room hissed.

Sakura and Neji shrunk back, caught off guard by the reaction. The story seemed to have sucked everyone in.

**Kiba turned away, unable to look her in the eye knowing he was the reason for her tears, knowing that he was the reason the secure world she'd known the past three years was crumbling down around her. It had been a lie. All of it. **

"**I'm sorry." He whispered brokenly.**

"What. The. **_Fuck_**?! How dare this dumbass author fuck up my character by putting me in such a mushy story?!" Kiba snapped, sounding annoyed. "Am I the only one finding this irritating?!"

"Yes now shush!" Tenten snapped.

**Sakura couldn't believe it. It was over? But…but it couldn't be. Kiba couldn't dump her. He couldn't! Ino had said they were a 'forever couple' - whatever that meant. She was going to be Mrs Inuzuka someday…now everything was ruined. She could feel the life seeping out of her body. She felt like she couldn't go on if this was real. It had to be a dream…no, a nightmare even.**

**Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!**

"Oh please!" Sakura interrupted, irritated at how weak she was being portrayed. "Like I'd be that pathetic." She scoffed. "'_Mrs Inuzuka'_ my ass."

"Pssh. Like you wouldn't want to be married to all this," Kiba flexed an arm.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "No. No, I most definitely would _**not**_." She snapped.

"Heh…finally, someone gets the characterization sort of right." Tenten noted. "Not that I'm saying you're weak, Sakura," she added hastily. "I meant that Ino comment."

Sakura squinted. "Yeah…I guess it does sound like something Ino would say."

"If you're all done…" Sasuke cut in tersely.

"**I guess…y-you'll want this b-back then," she whispered when she found her voice, holding out something for him to take.**

**Kiba's eyes widened when he recognized the trinket in her palm. "N-No…I can't take that. It's yours, I gave it to you."**

**It was a charm bracelet with the words 'Kiba's Boo' on it.**

**Sakura shook her head, placing the bracelet in his hand. "I can't k-keep it either. I… I'm not your…I'm not your boo anymore."**

"AWWWWW!" Tenten and Hinata cried, clinging to each other. "She's not his boo anymore! His Boooo!"

Sakura rolled her eyes and let out a loud, long exhale.

"And I'm bored," Naruto announced. "Yo Kiba, can you check if the next chapter for Bleach has come out yet?"

"Nah, not yet," the Inuzuka yawned after checking his phone.

"Dammit." Naruto cursed. After a few seconds he snickered, "I was thinking … wouldn't it be so hilarious if Byakuya like punctured his foot with his sword by accident while trying to go Bankai?"

Neji blanched, did a double-take and then frowned at Naruto_. Whut..?_

"Dahahahaha!" Kiba laughed. "Oh yeah! That would be so-"

"DO YOU MIND?!" Tenten snapped. "We are TRYING to listen to a story over here!"

Kiba and Naruto immediately shut up. You don't mess with a weapons expert. Who knows where she could be hiding a Kunai.

**Kiba accepted the charm, and a weeping Sakura ran out of the apartment, leaving a shirtless Kiba to stare after her.**

"Oy!" Sakura threw her hands up. "I'm a _**ninja** _and I _**ran**_ out of the apartment? _**weeping**_? _**Seriously**_?!"

"Hold on, hold on," Tenten held up a finger. "Was he shirtless from the beginning?"

"Why is that important?" Neji asked bitterly.

"Because this is the first time it's being mentioned, duh." Tenten frowned at her teammate's odd reaction. "What's with you, Neji?"

"Yeah, what's with you, Hyuuga?" Kiba sneered.

"Yeaaah," Naruto chimed in. "What's with you, Hyuuga?"

"I just… SAID THAT!" Kiba snapped, irritated.

"So… WHAT?!" Naruto shot back.

"Both of you… SHUT UP!" Sakura yelled.

"**I'm so sorry, Sakura," Kiba whispered to the wind, "I didn't wanna hurt you…it's just…I couldn't keep lying to you…or myself. This is it. I can't deny it any longer. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm in love…just not with you…not anymore."**

"Didn't we already cover this in the summary?" Sakura asked, now also bored.

"Enough with the stupid love already!" Kiba complained.

And then a thought occurred to him. He turned to Sakura. "You know, you keep saying 'no interrupting! No interrupting!' and yet YOU keep interrupting! Hypocrite!" Kiba shook his head. "If this story has cleared something up for me, it's that I am _**so**_ never asking you out."

"Oh please! Like you were gonna do it in the first place." Sakura scoffed.

Kiba raised an eyebrow. "Who's to say I wasn't?" he asked seriously.

"W-wha—blah…huh…I mean…" Sakura spluttered, cheeks pink.

"Ha. As if." Kiba grinned.

"Whut?" Sakura asked dully.

"I wasn't serious." Kiba scoffed and then popped his collar. "I could so get you if I wanted…which I don't by the way, in case you're confused or something. You girls are weird like that."

Sakura looked positively murderous.

"Did you seriously just pop your collar?" Neji deadpanned.

"You know, Kiba," Naruto started informatively, clamping a hand on the Inuzuka's shoulder, "if you keep pushing her…pretty soon, Sakura-chan _will_ snap…and then she **_will_ **kill you, y'know…just so you know."

"Gee thanks for the info." Kiba muttered, rolling his eyes.

"SHUT UP already!" Tenten snapped.

"Ahe he he…Tenten-san, you really want to know what will happen next…h-huh?" Hinata asked uneasily.

"Ch'yuh!" Tenten grinned, clapping excitedly, "I wanna know who this girl is that just _**stole **_Kiba from Sakura. Somebody gon' get bitch-slapped soon."

Everyone sweatdropped.

Sasuke cleared his throat to continue reading.

**Later that night, Kiba made his way to his love's house.**

"Enough with the stupid suspense!" Sakura snapped. "Just tell us who it is already!"

"ahem-hypocrite-ahem" Kiba coughed.

Sakura glared Kunai at him.

**The lights were off, but he knew his love was awake. He picked up a pebble and gently threw it at the window. It pinged as it ricocheted off the glass. **

**Nothing.**

**He tried a few more times and still got no response.**

"It's the middle of the night! She's probably sleeping! Go home, loser!"

There was an irritated unanimous yell of "SAKURA!"

"Sorry…." The kunoichi chuckled sheepishly.

**He looked around for something bigger to throw. He saw a boulder, but decided throwing that would be ridiculous.**

"Kiba is not that rational." Neji objected.

A few people snorted, while Kiba sent the Hyuuga a very unfriendly look.

**So, he picked up a brick and chucked that at the window instead, breaking it.**

"See what I mean?" Neji smirked. "What is it with you and bricks in this story, Inuzuka?"

This time people laughed.

**There was a flurry of footsteps inside and then the broken window was yanked open. "What the hell is going on out her- huh? Inuzuka? What the hell are **_**you**_** doing here?"**

"Okay, so whoever this chick is, she lives alone," Naruto mused. "Sakura-chan is out since she was his girlfriend."

"Ino lives with her parents, so she's out too," Sakura offered.

"Hinata-sama lives at the estate so it can't be her either." Neji chimed in.

"Um…Tenten-san…you're the only that lives alone…r-right?" Hinata asked.

"If it's me, you're going to be skinned alive, Uchiha." Tenten warned.

"If you'd all shut up, we'd find out who it is." Naruto commented. "I wonder who the poor sap the _**dog** _set his sights on is."

"Careful, Uzumaki," Neji said ominously. "You could jinx yourself like Inuzuka did."

"Yeah right." Naruto scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Sasuke found himself straining not to snort.

**Kiba gasped. There…his love….**_**there he was**_**.**

"_**HE**_?!" the room exclaimed.

There was a moment of ominous silence and Naruto swallowed, Neji's words from a few seconds prior ringing through his head.

Sasuke shrugged and continued reading.

**He looked beautiful. The moonlight made his blonde spikes almost glow.**

All eyes shifted to Naruto.

"Wha-Whaat?!" the blonde sputtered defensively. "I'm not the only blonde in Konoha!"

**And his blue, blue eyes…that he'd recognize anywhere…were as infinitely deep as the ocean, they shone like the stars above.**

"Th-That d-doesn't prove a-anything," Naruto laughed nervously.

"**Get out of here, Inuzuka." He said dispassionately. "You'll get me in trouble with the landlord."**

"Aren't you always complaining about your landlord, Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"It's NOT me, damn it!"

"**I just-"**

"**You've already broken my fucking window!" he cut in, annoyed. "That's going to cost me the pay on my next mission! Leave!"**

"So…it's a shinobi then." Neji surmised.

"Still doesn't prove it's me, could be a Yamanaka for all you know," Naruto scowled, not liking the 'I Told You So' in the smirk and voice of the Hyuuga.

"Well…They _do_ have blonde hair and blue eyes." Tenten conceded, and then waved a hand. "Never mind that! Shut up so we can find out."

"**I need to talk to you," Kiba pleaded. "Please, Naruto."**

"…"

"…"

"…'

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

Deadly silence.

"….um…it's a common name..?" Naruto tried.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Shut UP!" Kiba hissed. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" he yelled, when they continued laughing.

"Not so funny when it's you, is it?" Tenten laughed.

"It's not me! IT'S NOT ME, GODDAMNIT!" Naruto yelled. "I'm NOT GAY!"

"Give it up, Naruto," Sakura snorted. "It's so you." She then kicked Kiba. "I can't believe you'd dump me for Naruto."

"Shut up." Kiba growled. "I know you're enjoying this, Haruno."

"The story isn't over yet," Sasuke pointed out.

"Ugh…there's more?" Naruto groaned.

"Oh...Much more," Sasuke grinned.

"What the hell did I ever do to _you_, Bastard?!" Naruto whined pitifully.

"I don't know," Sasuke answered simply. "Why don't we ask the people on Facebook and Twitter that are currently talking about that 'Sasuke the loser' story, hmm?"

"Yo, Uchiha," Tenten cut in. "Finish your dumb argument _after_ you finish the story."

"**We don't have anything to talk about, Kiba." Naruto shot back. "Go back to Sakura. She's probably wondering where you are. I'm done being the other woman."**

"Did he just refer to himself as 'the other woman'?" Neji asked, disturbed.

"So, you were cheating on me with Naruto, ey?" Sakura asked Kiba. "Unforgivable." She snarled.

Kiba was frozen, probably from shock.

Naruto was rocking back and forth, chanting _'It's not me…it's not me'_ over and over again.

"M-maybe you should stop, Sasuke-san," Hinata suggested, eyeing Kiba and Naruto worriedly.

"I can't do that," Sasuke said firmly. "They both agreed, like all of us, to finish every story we start…no matter how much it sucks."

"Make him stop, Hinata-chan!" Naruto cried, latching onto Hinata's leg, making said girl squeak as her face went red.

"Get off her, idiot!" Neji snapped, pushing him off Hinata by shoving his face aside with his sandaled foot.

"What happened to 'I never go back on my word, it's my ninja way!'?" Sakura taunted.

Naruto curled himself up, trying as best as he could to block out the awful story.

Kiba mirrored his actions.

"Sasuke, keep going!" Tenten cheered, enjoying Kiba's suffering. "Ha! Sweet, sweet Karma!"

Sakura and Neji, who were nearest to her, sweatdropped at the sadistic aura emanating from her.

"**I broke up with Sakura."**

**Naruto's eyes widened. "W-what?"**

"**I broke up with her," Kiba repeated. "I don't want her. I want you. Only you."**

Kiba suddenly leapt up, screaming death threats as he charged at Sasuke. However, since he was blinded by rage, Sasuke easily swatted him away.

"Be quiet!" Tenten snapped, knocking the Inuzuka back down.

"**D-don't play with me, Kiba."**

"**I'm not," Kiba insisted, climbing up on the ledge of the window. "I love you."**

"**I love you too." Naruto sniffed, wiping happy tears on his sleeve. "But wait….we could get banished or something, y'know for being together."**

"**I don't care," Kiba insisted. "As long as we're together, my love."**

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Tenten and Sakura laughed, leaning on each other for support.

"I don't think the Hokage or the Elder Council would banish you for **_that_**."Neji objected, and then snorted at the sappiness.

"K-Kiba-kun? Can you hear me?" Hinata asked, tapping an unresponsive Kiba. "N-Naruto-kun?" she tried. The blonde was whimpering in a fetal position. "Oh dear." She mumbled, worried now.

"**What do you say…will you wear this?" Kiba asked ****hopefully**, holding out the trinket Sakura had returned.

Sakura immediately sobered. "WHAT?! That is LOW!"

"Yeaaahh!" Tenten sneered. "How dare you give him something that had once been hers?!"

"Can you believe him?" Sakura scoffed.

"And the blonde idiot just took his word for it that he dumped you?" Tenten added.

"_Id-i-ot!"_ They enunciated in unison.

Neji sweatdropped, deciding right then and there, that a Tenten-Sakura tag team was a very, very, very scary thing.

"**Kiba's boo?" Naruto read, and then beamed at his boyfriend. "Of course I will! Get in here!" he pulled Kiba through the window by his collar, kissing him in the process.**

"Boyfriend…?" Neji repeated. "When did that happen? Did I miss something?"

"La la la la la I didn't hear anything," Naruto sang, plugging his ears with his fingers.

"I'm going to kill you, Uchiha," Kiba growled.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Tenten and Sakura had tears running down their faces now.

Hinata and Neji looked…disturbed.

**And so, the two lovers spent the entire night making sweet, sweet, sweeeeeeeeeeeet love.**

Naruto and Kiba ran off to puke in the bathroom. Sakura and Tenten fell over, still laughing. Neji looked a little green also, and Hinata stared worriedly after the two boys that had run out.

**THE END!**

***sigh* Kiba and Naruto are so made for each other. **

"Yeeeeah. Well, considering they are both about to puke up their intestines in there… I don't think so." Neji shook his head.

**I mean seriously, after watching that episode 'Kiba's determination', I'm even more convinced! Kiba doesn't want Naruto to outdo him cos he's insecure that Naruto will get someone better! I mean why else was he desperate enough to ask Kakashi of all people to train him?!**

Neji gaped at the logic. "Seriously…?"

"I don't think that would be Kiba-kun's reason." Hinata objected firmly. Really, if she had to fight one of her own teammates _**and** _Sakura for Naruto's attention...well that would just suck.

"It wasn't, Hinata-sama." Neji assured, misunderstanding. "That is just a fan's flawed logic."

"Oh."

**Review my lovelies! And Neji will come have some smexy fun time wit ya tonight! *wink-wink***

"I made no such agreement!" Neji shot up, officially creeped out.

Tenten and Sakura sat up, wiping at their eyes.

"Oh…Oh maaaaan…that was hilarious!" Tenten gasped. "Sasuke, you have my thanks, I owe you one."

"The Dobe needed to be taught a lesson." Sasuke shrugged. "It was a two birds with one stone sort of thing."

"Well, it was a very smartly and well-aimed stone, Sir." Sakura congratulated. "I don't even mind that I was in it. Those two got burrrrrrned." She snickered.

Kiba and Naruto came back some minutes later, clutching their stomachs.

"Well…you two were gone an _**awfully**_ long time," Sakura sing-songed.

"Yeah," Tenten chimed in. "Had some _**fun**_ in the bathroom?" she joked.

"THAT JOKE ISN'T EVEN A BIT FUNNY!" the two males snapped.

They then jumped apart when they noticed the few inches between them.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" they yelled in unison.

"ME?" they pointed at themselves.

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT WAS NEAR ME!" they pointed at each other.

"DAMN IT! STOP COPYING ME!" they threw their arms up.

"As entertaining as this monkey-see doggy-do is," Sakura started, pulling on Naruto's leg.

"Shut up." Tenten finished, pulling on Kiba's leg.

"Owww." Kiba and Naruto complained.

The two girls high-fived.

Neji discreetly scooted away from them, more than a little bit disturbed that his earlier theory about a Tenten-Sakura tag team was now proven.

"I actually found another story already," Sasuke piped up.

"I don't think I want to hear another one," Neji said honestly.

"Me too," Hinata added.

"Oh come on you guys," Sakura sang.

"Yeah, don't be chickens." Tenten taunted.

"But-"

"Go for it, Sasuke!' Tenten and Sakura cheered, cutting off the Hyuuga siblings' complaint.

**X-x-X-x-X-x-X**

**We got an overwhelming number of requests for a NaruKiba story, and for them to get burned, so there ya go! Sorry if it's not that funny! We tried our best BUT we can promise the next one will be better and funnier!**

**People have been wanting a SasuNaru burning! We may have a NaruHina coming too! And someone requested for a SasuHina! And an OC fic too! and that crack pairing in the summary is still pending!**

**Keep those requests coming, but please leave a name or something so we know who to credit if you're anonymous! don't worry we'll get around to everyone!**

**We were also considering having maybe Team 10 and some other characters show up at Naruto's, maybe even some Akatsuki…it's up to you guys though, so let us know!**


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